It's What You Leave Behind

"So don't squander what you're given
Make the most of precious time
Life's not only for the living
It's what you leave behind"

- Delp & Goudreau 

In the past few weeks, David Bowie, Glenn Frey and Lemmy Kilmister, three legends of rock n' roll, passed away. 

I was casual fan of both Bowie and Lemmy, but have always been a huge fan of both Frey's solo career and especially The Eagles.  I was lucky enough to have seen him perform twice, once as a member of his band and the other time as a guest of Don Henley at the original Walden Woods Concert held in in 1990. Those Eagles songs were a huge part of the soundtrack to my life and many hold a great importance to me.

Talking about Eagles' memories though isn't the intent of this blog post. No, there's another intent here and that's to talk about our mortality and the legacy of what you leave behind.

So what is our true legacy after we're gone. For those of us so inclined, is it our art? People will certainly be listening to Frey, Bowie and Lemmy's many music years into the future. Since recorded music is a relatively new medium in the grand scheme of human history, it's hard to tell just how long their art will endure. Could it be centuries or will it eventually die out after a few generations when their original fans are gone? 

Think about some other kinds of enduring art legacies. I recently spent a week in Italy looking at classic sculptures, paintings and buildings that were created centuries ago by men who have long since gone on to the undiscovered country. Consider authors such as William Shakespeare, who have been gone for centuries but still widely read. As an author, will anyone care what I wrote after I'm gone? 

So I ask again; are the songs, the sculptures, the printed words or buildings the most important things an artist leaves behind? My firm belief is no. They're very important culturally but there is something else. The astute among you already know where I'm going with this.

It's the lessons we've imparted on younger generations by our words and the examples we set for them. 

Teach them not to judge someone by the color of their skin, sexuality or by a handicap. 

Teach them to respect everyone and to treat them like they want to be treated. 

Teach them about our history and the lessons we can learn from the past. 

Teach them to eat right and to take care of their bodies. 

Teach them that world isn't always a fair place and owes them nothing. 

Teach them the value of freedom. 

Teach them the value of hard work. 

Teach them to be independent. 

Teach them to be accepting of differences in cultures and people.

Above all, teach them to LOVE. 

Unfortunately, far too many people fail to pass  these lessons down because they were never learned taught them. They're too focused on their own problems and issues to ensure they're setting a positive example for those who look to them for answers. This wasn't always something I understood, but as I've gotten older, it's become fairly intuitive as I mentor the younger generation in my life. 

Art is an important cultural legacy, but the examples we set for our children are of far greater importance to society as they become adults and pass those lessons on again and again.

I'll finish this post with a link to the song the quote at the beginning came from. It's a beautiful song from another departed rock great; Brad Delp of Boston. This is a song he did with his former band mate Barry Goudreau called "It's What You Leave Behind." 

Hope you enjoy it. 

A Word or Two on Happiness

In my life, I've known so many unhappy people and I have to admit, that I was once one of them. Like many folks in that situation, I put up the veneer of being happy, even though I often felt dead inside. I didn't know any better because that's the example I saw growing up. I figured that most adults were miserable and this was the way life was lived; little slivers of happiness surrounded by darkness and misery. 

Fortunately, events transpired about four years that allowed me to take a step back and look at my life as an outsider. My job sent me to San Diego for ten weeks in the middle of winter, taking me out of my normal environment and leaving me to think about my situation with relative little outside influence. I realized how unhappy I was and that epiphany allowed me to makes plans to free myself from the darkness and negativity that clouded my life.

I began to think about why people become stuck in a negative rut and came to the conclusion that far too many of us expect others to provide our happiness. All too often I've heard someone say, "I'm not happy, but if so and so would do X, Y, Z, I'd be happy." Can we truly blame others in our life because we're not happy? 

The answer is a big no. The most important epiphany I had was that WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS! Repeat that line again. Yes, it's true. We can sit mired in negativity about our crappy childhood, marriage, job, etc. but the reality is, we are responsible for making changes. Hell, I've had enough dysfunction and crap happen in my life that I had no control over, but I've also made my fair share of bad choices that contributed to my past unhappiness. You have to make a decision to overcome the past or continue to live in misery.

Now granted, it's not always easy. For one thing, society has taught us that there are certain people we are required to have in our lives. Sometimes however, those relationships are toxic and like any toxin, must be expunged if the body and mind are to be healthy. It's difficult to excise long-time friends and even family members from our lives, but if you truly want happiness, you cannot have a dark cloud sucking the life out of you. Exercise guru and motivational speaker Todd Durkin calls these people "energy vampires." You don't need them in your life unless you want to be miserable...but why on Earth would you want to be?

When I was able to take that step back in San Diego, I identified the energy suckers in my life and determined if they were to continue their negative behaviors, I'd have to excise them from my life. It was painful to remove some, but in the end I am much happier than I've probably ever been in my entire life. I was lucky enough to be able to find the love of a good women who accepts me for who I am and provides positive energy and encouragement. I have a great job that I look forward to going to (at least most days!) and those friends and family members I've surrounded myself with don't cause a drag on my life.

So if you want to blame a crappy childhood, a bad job, your spouse, etc. for your day to day misery, that my friends, is a choice you've made. As one of my favorite bands Rush said in their song Free Will "If you choose not to decide, you still have a made a choice." Blaming others for your unhappiness though is nothing but an excuse. I've known a few people like that, where nothing is their fault. It's either bad luck or somebody is out to "screw them." They refuse to accept any blame for the unhappiness they feel and will never pull themselves out of the mental quagmire where they live. 

Why though would you want to live your life that way? Deep down we all crave happiness and while it sometimes requires hard choices, the end result is a mentally and physically healthier you.

In my book Three Chords & The Truth, the protagonist is a successful and wealthy businessman, but there's something eating away at his soul. Deep down, he's very unhappy because of a choice he made years before that changed his life. As the years passed, he lost sight of his true self and in order to find the happiness he desires, he needs to stop making excuses and find that good man he once was. It's a story that I think will resonate with many of you.

Not making excuses or blaming others is hard of us because it's easy to fall back on them. They act as a crutch which allows us to avoid reality. I've been guilty of that many times in my life, but have learned there is a better way. Stop making those excuses and make that change today. You'll look back and wonder why you waited so long!

Let's talk about the new Star Wars film.

As 2016 starts, my only resolution was to blog more. I have a lot to say about popular books, televisions shows, movies, music, sports, etc. and just maybe you might find it interesting. 

I'm going to start the year talking about one of my favorite films of 2015, Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Is it a perfect film? No, far from it, but it was everything I ever wanted out of Star Wars movie, something I sadly can't say about the prequels. 

Yes, I am squarely in the "I hate the prequels" camp. I found them to be soulless CGI filled crapfests that looked like they were designed to sell toys. The acting was wooden, the dialog stiff and much of the stories just unbelievable. I left the theater after seeing The Phantom Menace confused, telling myself it couldn't be as bad as I thought it was. I had to go see it again a few days later to confirm that yes, it was terrible. From Jar Jar Binks to whiny and magical (and I'm saying that sarcastically) Anakin Skywalker to Midichlorians, it just made me cringe.

I will admit there were a few good things in the film, such as the lightsaber dual at the end between the Jedi and Darth Maul and John Williams' "Duel of the Fates" is probably the best piece of Star Wars music outside of the original theme. 

Episodes II and III weren't much better. I will admit that I remember laughing giddily at Yoda's first lightsaber dual as he bounced around like a crazed monkey and the battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan was spectacular. Everything else, not so much. I really felt like George Lucas, whom I grew up idolizing, had lost his fastball. 

I was actually thrilled when Disney bought Lucasfilm and all its properties, because I knew they bring in fresh blood with new ideas, much like they've done with Marvel. I'm always stunned at the amount of people walking around who seem to think Disney is going to insert Mickey Mouse or Goofy into a Star Wars film and ruin the property. If they had any sense of the business model Disney has demonstrated with Marvel and Pixar, they'd understand it's normally a hands off approach. So far, we've seen nothing from any Marvel or Pixar film to provide any evidence that Disney is trying to "Disneyfy" (whatever that means) any of their acquired properties. If you've watched Marvel's Jessica Jones on Netflix you'd know they're not afraid of shying away from adult material either (insert boom chicka boom boom music).

So back to the new film. I've heard people complain that it's nothing more than a rehash of Episode IV. George Lucas went so far as to call it retro (and proceeded to complain that they didn't use his ideas...frankly after the prequels, I'm glad they didn't) and he's actually right. It is very retro...which is exactly what the series needed to get it back on track. JJ Abrams did a fantastic job making a homage to the original, using practical effects, giving us characters we care about and setting up the next two films in the series. I can't wait to see what happens to Rey as she continues to go through her hero's journey now that Luke Skywalker is back in the fold. Will Finn heal and return to her side? Will we learn who Snoke really is? 

I'm not going to go into too much spoiler territory here, but it was fantastic seeing old friends Han, Leia, Luke and Chewie. When the original Star Wars came out in 1977, it was a watershed moment for me, almost as important in my life as when I discovered girls (I said almost...). It's been there with me since that summer of 77' and I watch the original trilogy at least once a year.  When one of my favorite characters of all time met a bitter end in the new film, I'll admit my eyes got a little watery. It was a sad goodbye, but I understood why it was that character's time; much like it was Ben Kenobi's time to (sort of) say goodbye in Episode IV. 

The best news of all is we don't have to wait three years for the next film. The yet untitled Episode VIII comes out in May 2017. Between now and then, we'll get Star War: Rogue One, which is the story of many Bothans dying to get the Rebellion the Death Star plans.

Disney is doing exactly what I hoped with Star Wars and giving us exactly what we wanted from George Lucas all these years...more of it!

Please feel free to leave comments on my blog. I'd love to hear from you.
Until next time.