In my life, I've known so many unhappy people and I have to admit, that I was once one of them. Like many folks in that situation, I put up the veneer of being happy, even though I often felt dead inside. I didn't know any better because that's the example I saw growing up. I figured that most adults were miserable and this was the way life was lived; little slivers of happiness surrounded by darkness and misery.
Fortunately, events transpired about four years that allowed me to take a step back and look at my life as an outsider. My job sent me to San Diego for ten weeks in the middle of winter, taking me out of my normal environment and leaving me to think about my situation with relative little outside influence. I realized how unhappy I was and that epiphany allowed me to makes plans to free myself from the darkness and negativity that clouded my life.
I began to think about why people become stuck in a negative rut and came to the conclusion that far too many of us expect others to provide our happiness. All too often I've heard someone say, "I'm not happy, but if so and so would do X, Y, Z, I'd be happy." Can we truly blame others in our life because we're not happy?
The answer is a big no. The most important epiphany I had was that WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN HAPPINESS! Repeat that line again. Yes, it's true. We can sit mired in negativity about our crappy childhood, marriage, job, etc. but the reality is, we are responsible for making changes. Hell, I've had enough dysfunction and crap happen in my life that I had no control over, but I've also made my fair share of bad choices that contributed to my past unhappiness. You have to make a decision to overcome the past or continue to live in misery.
Now granted, it's not always easy. For one thing, society has taught us that there are certain people we are required to have in our lives. Sometimes however, those relationships are toxic and like any toxin, must be expunged if the body and mind are to be healthy. It's difficult to excise long-time friends and even family members from our lives, but if you truly want happiness, you cannot have a dark cloud sucking the life out of you. Exercise guru and motivational speaker Todd Durkin calls these people "energy vampires." You don't need them in your life unless you want to be miserable...but why on Earth would you want to be?
When I was able to take that step back in San Diego, I identified the energy suckers in my life and determined if they were to continue their negative behaviors, I'd have to excise them from my life. It was painful to remove some, but in the end I am much happier than I've probably ever been in my entire life. I was lucky enough to be able to find the love of a good women who accepts me for who I am and provides positive energy and encouragement. I have a great job that I look forward to going to (at least most days!) and those friends and family members I've surrounded myself with don't cause a drag on my life.
So if you want to blame a crappy childhood, a bad job, your spouse, etc. for your day to day misery, that my friends, is a choice you've made. As one of my favorite bands Rush said in their song Free Will "If you choose not to decide, you still have a made a choice." Blaming others for your unhappiness though is nothing but an excuse. I've known a few people like that, where nothing is their fault. It's either bad luck or somebody is out to "screw them." They refuse to accept any blame for the unhappiness they feel and will never pull themselves out of the mental quagmire where they live.
Why though would you want to live your life that way? Deep down we all crave happiness and while it sometimes requires hard choices, the end result is a mentally and physically healthier you.
In my book Three Chords & The Truth, the protagonist is a successful and wealthy businessman, but there's something eating away at his soul. Deep down, he's very unhappy because of a choice he made years before that changed his life. As the years passed, he lost sight of his true self and in order to find the happiness he desires, he needs to stop making excuses and find that good man he once was. It's a story that I think will resonate with many of you.
Not making excuses or blaming others is hard of us because it's easy to fall back on them. They act as a crutch which allows us to avoid reality. I've been guilty of that many times in my life, but have learned there is a better way. Stop making those excuses and make that change today. You'll look back and wonder why you waited so long!
When I was able to take that step back in San Diego, I identified the energy suckers in my life and determined if they were to continue their negative behaviors, I'd have to excise them from my life. It was painful to remove some, but in the end I am much happier than I've probably ever been in my entire life. I was lucky enough to be able to find the love of a good women who accepts me for who I am and provides positive energy and encouragement. I have a great job that I look forward to going to (at least most days!) and those friends and family members I've surrounded myself with don't cause a drag on my life.
So if you want to blame a crappy childhood, a bad job, your spouse, etc. for your day to day misery, that my friends, is a choice you've made. As one of my favorite bands Rush said in their song Free Will "If you choose not to decide, you still have a made a choice." Blaming others for your unhappiness though is nothing but an excuse. I've known a few people like that, where nothing is their fault. It's either bad luck or somebody is out to "screw them." They refuse to accept any blame for the unhappiness they feel and will never pull themselves out of the mental quagmire where they live.
Why though would you want to live your life that way? Deep down we all crave happiness and while it sometimes requires hard choices, the end result is a mentally and physically healthier you.
In my book Three Chords & The Truth, the protagonist is a successful and wealthy businessman, but there's something eating away at his soul. Deep down, he's very unhappy because of a choice he made years before that changed his life. As the years passed, he lost sight of his true self and in order to find the happiness he desires, he needs to stop making excuses and find that good man he once was. It's a story that I think will resonate with many of you.
Not making excuses or blaming others is hard of us because it's easy to fall back on them. They act as a crutch which allows us to avoid reality. I've been guilty of that many times in my life, but have learned there is a better way. Stop making those excuses and make that change today. You'll look back and wonder why you waited so long!
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